Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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