Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
