one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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