Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
