dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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