So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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