if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
