Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
