Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize