now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
