glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
