Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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