Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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