Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
