In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
