there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
