he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
