I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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