My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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