so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
