You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Drake has all the answers
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
