Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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