Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
