i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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