So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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