We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
