I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
