Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
