Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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