i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
