I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
