I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
