she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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