it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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