Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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