The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize