We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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