I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize