By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
