And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
