just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize