Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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