i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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