I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
