You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
