My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize