My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
