So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
