i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
