dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
