white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
