I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
