He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
