Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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