Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
