Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
