Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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