I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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