Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
