who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
