i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
