Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
