dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
