i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
