I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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