i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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