i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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