I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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