just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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