last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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