I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
