If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize