I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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