so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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