hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Fuck appropriateness.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
