Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
