I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
