hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
