Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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