If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
