i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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