the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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