I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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