I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
