:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
