Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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