My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
