She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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