I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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