Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
