I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
