Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
