Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
