Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
