I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
