does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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