It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
