did you get engaged???
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
