Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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