I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
