I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
