am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
