I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
