R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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