So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
