come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
