I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize