just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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