party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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