My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
